Awake at Dawn (Again)

I’ve had several comments about “Awake at Dawn”.  Only one of these comments has been posted publicly (Thank you!) while most were not. (Why?)  Most comments expressed surprise/disappointment at the final line of the piece.  The line takes an otherwise gauzy feel and turns it upside down should one view the death as literal. OK.  So, here’s a re-post of the original along with a tiny rewrite that I hope some of you find more palatable:

Awake at Dawn

I awake, my arm draped
     across you in a tenderly twined spoon,
My hand trapped between smooth thighs,
     thumb pinched by your knees, 
     elbow to fingertip needles sting me.
I begin to pull free,
     let blood restore feeling
     when through my chest my arms through me, I feel you breathe. 
It comes out of you and into me and it comes in long deep rushes
     and it leaves in unnumbered bottomless sighs. 
Your hair and scent tickle my nose in a raven tangle of musk and makeup
     and sleepy sweet perspiration.
A month long smoking crave distracts me for a moment before
     dawn’s purple fingers begin curling
     light around the night.
Darkness outside your window flees into me,
     closing my eyes I surrender to morning and what
     I know is the death I’ve lived for.

Awake at Dawn Again

 

I awake, my arm draped

     across you in a tenderly twined spoon,

My hand trapped between smooth thighs,

     thumb pinched by your knees, 

     elbow to fingertip needles sting me.

I begin to pull free,

     let blood restore feeling

     when through my chest my arms through me, I feel you breathe. 

It comes out of you and into me and it comes in long deep rushes

     and it leaves in unnumbered bottomless sighs. 

Your hair and scent tickle my nose in a raven tangle of musk and makeup

     and sleepy sweet perspiration.

A month long smoking crave distracts me for a moment before

     dawn’s purple fingers begin curling

     light around the night.

Darkness outside your window flees into me,

     close my eyes, surrender,

     return to morning, to 

     the dream I followed to this place.