Welcome

Outside of commercially manufactured adrenaline rushes, the emotional toe-dipping lust for hot new skinny jeans or the fastest phone exists our increasingly rare genuine human experience. I sometimes struggle to remember that while life lives episodic, it is based on eternal themes. I hope that you are entertained by my exploration of this apparent dichotomy.

Monday, February 27, 2012

January 21, 1978 (Part 1 of 8)

He pulled the 72 Volkswagen squareback into a slot right outside her place.  She lived on the ground floor, different than other women he’d known.  They always insisted that the top floor was safer.  He had to walk down a flight of stairs littered with cigarette butts and beer cans to get to her apartment.  He knocked once on a stamped metal door upon which only a peep hole interrupted the stark expanse.
            Staring at that hole, he saw it dim just a bit before hearing the chain slide and the dead bolt click.  The door opened to show anxious brown eyes and a question.
            “Where you been?  How’d it go?” she asked turning to walk into the dark apartment.
            “Piece of cake.  First knock, the junkies opened the door we hit’em hard.  Pieces out and shoutin’ and all that, ya’ know.  A regular shit storm.  They were too goddamn scared to even look at us.  Hit the floor and stayed face down soon as we said to,” he said following her to the sofa. 
             “How many?” she asked.
             “Two.  And some bitch that kept beggin’ us not to rape her.  Like we’d do that shit,” he snorted and sat beside her. 
              “Rat would,” she snapped.  She hated Rat.
              “Probably.  But Rat’s a…well he’s a fuckin’ rat and they work best in the dark.  Lucky for the dumb bitch that I was there”.
               They each lit cigarettes and sat smoking for a moment.  He got up and turned on the stereo.  Hendrix’s “Crosstown Traffic” jumped out.  He turned it to background level and sat back down, waiting for the questions.
               She wouldn’t allow herself to sound anxious.   That was too close to needing. 
               Finally, “So what’d the skinny prick have?”
               He just smiled at her.
              “What?” she said, puzzled and frustrated.
              “About three and a half pounds.  Decent Jamaican shit.  Pretty much what we thought” he told her, grinning now.
               Too smart and ahead of him again, she caught the grin, the unsaid, She leaned across him to grind her cigarette into the overflowing ash tray.  She stayed there, her body against him, and looked him directly in the eye for the first time…ever. 
               “What else?” she breathed smoke and stale beer and promise.
               He leaned back into the cushions and wondered, “Who the hell is this woman?”

He thought of the people that come uninvited to life.  In those days, in that haze, people seemed to drift into and out of orbit, no more remarkable than passing cars. 
               Her name was Kerry and while he couldn’t remember the first time he ever saw her, he’d never forget the last.  She’d entered his world about a year ago.  He didn’t know from where, just one of those people.  All of the sudden she was hanging with his buddies and helping hustle pool and drinking beer and doing shots.  He’d paid her no attention other than noticing a good figure and dark hair and darker eyes. 
              She had a measured way of responding to whatever the room presented.  Most of those days were a blur of drugs and booze so she responded to whomever seemed to hold the best promise of either, or preferably both.  He figured that she’d get passed around, used up and then disappear.  Like the rest. 
              But she’d turned out to be different.  At first, she was supposed to be Virgil’s squeeze so everyone stayed away from her.  Virgil wore Outlaw colors and dead eyes.  No one fucked with Virgil. 
             Until one day Virgil lost control and beat her black and blue.  Then, about a week after she got out of the hospital, he took his 4x4 to the garage where Jeff worked to have the oil changed.  That’s when they found the pipe bomb strapped to his truck.  It made the six o’clock news and she disappeared.
            They figured Virgil offed her and dropped her in the old quarry out by Arabian Mountain.  Then, maybe three months later, some fisherman found Virgil’s body, bloated and bobbing in the Hooch.  At the Keg, everyone assumed that the situation likely was due to the poor life style choices he’d made.
            And then, about a week later, she was back.
            “Been at the beach,” was all she’d say.
            So there she was again, circling the pool tables, totally focused as she moved to measure each shot, hitting when needed, close when not, and taking no shit along the way.
            Once, Rat had tried to walk off with a pot she’d helped him hustle off some wayward college boys.  She’d waited outside for him and clocked the drunk fucker with a pool cue.  Rat would have killed her but a crowd got there in time to pull them apart.  Consensus was that he owed her so he gave her 150$ and slinked off into the parking lot.  With her hair all fucked up, a bloody lip and torn jeans, she’d crowed like a rooster and strutted around with the money held high.


Sunday, February 26, 2012

From There

Full moon last night and I wondered
           “Can you see it, too?”
            Or only me only, again?
It watches unknown me
            unknowable to me. 

So I watched it for you
            from a fog faded bridge.
With me wishing, watching for you
            the moon would still not come
            as close as clear as here.

I watched and spoke not secrets,
            the unspoken unshared,
            things proud and dark,
            chances seized and lost,
Reminisce and regret
             joyfully joined,
Telling my one web of time. 

The moon from there was nothing
But a spectral seeming smudge
Veiled with waves fading
             fainter silver to grey to night,
             edges echoing unkind and unsure.
Not quite gone.  Just almost there.
Shining,
            the moon and I,
            unreal, unbelieved, unsought.

 

Friday, February 24, 2012

Hwy. 141 & Medlock Bridge Road

             It’s February in Georgia and, for the season, an unnaturally beautiful day in the seventies. There’s a girl in traffic.  She’s driving a baby blue Volkswagen convertible with the top down like some flashback vision to 1977.  Her blonde hair is tied back in a loose ponytail that dances frantically in the wind while a few strands have worked loose and tickle the side of her smooth face.  She’s singing and moving to music that can’t be heard in the traffic around her. 

Surely this scene has played out a million times before in different settings and cities with different girls having played this role.  Countless times. 

 And, somehow, she is so much more.  She cannot be dismissed so casually.  She’s unique in her capture of life, unblemished and unbridled. She, in her total lack of inhibition, in her unrestrained joy at this prosaic yet singular moment, she becomes life’s effortless avatar. 

And if later tonight, she’s out with friends in perfect makeup and perfect jeans with perfect hair and that practiced nonchalance of youth, she’ll never surpass this- the moment when she achieved accidental and absolute beauty.

And she will never know.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Awake at Dawn


I awake, my arm draped

across you in a tenderly twined spoon,

My hand trapped between smooth thighs,

thumb pinched by your knees, 

elbow to fingertip needles sting me.

I begin to pull free,

let blood restore feeling

when through my chest my arms through me, I feel you breathe. 

It comes out of you and into me and it comes in long deep rushes

and it leaves in unnumbered bottomless sighs. 

Your hair and scent tickle my nose in a raven tangle of musk and makeup

and sleepy sweet perspiration.

A month long smoking crave distracts me for a moment before

dawn’s purple fingers begin curling

light around the night.

Darkness outside your window flees into me,

closing my eyes I surrender to morning and what

I know is the death I’ve lived for.




Sunday, February 19, 2012

Things That Almost Happen

I almost called the blog CyclothymicTimes. I won’t go into the American Psychological Association’s definition of cyclothymia as it’s filled with what I suspect are unflattering clinical terms for which I care very little. (But if you insist, here you go: http://www.dsm5.org/ProposedRevision/Pages/proposedrevision.aspx?rid=158)

For the rest of us, think bipolar light, although I simply prefer to view it as slow-motion mood swings. Call it a spectrum thing- think of Asperger/Autism. (On second thought, maybe don’t think that.) Anyway, as anyone who’s ever been a consumer of the service can attest, psychological diagnosis often seems a bit of a gooey science. Regardless, that’s all I intend to write about that subject.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Welcome

Welcome to ProsePhotos.  What I'll try to do here is perhaps just for me.  But hopefully I'll be able to share some of the things that we all have chances to see as we hurry through each day.  But more than to see, to experience.  I’m going for feeling here. 

That's what I will try to do.  What I will not do is discuss politics or religion in any terms other than the most general and only to the extent that they flow from whatever else I may discuss.  I find that the former becomes more tiresome with each passing day and the latter more divisive, and this in a world where the two seem to be fusing together.  As for both of those topics I will simply write that I once heard columnist and Pulitzer Prize winner George Will, a man whose intellect I respect and with whom I rarely agree, state that he would be an atheist if he had a bit more courage.  He chose agnosticism, and while I won’t claim any more courage than Mr. Will, I did not.  But I understand the dilemma.

            So with all of that out of the way, I humbly begin with this, my first entry:

And I see her and she sees me and “Don’t look at me,” is what I don’t say because I want…I want…I want what?... to be.  She lives in my head because I wrote her with my hand.  I never should have written her.  But I did just that.  I wrote her as surely and as finely and as truly and as passionately as any painter or sculptor has ever rendered any subject.  I wrote her with rich colors, subtle shades and lines and delicate alabaster contours that end nowhere and begin there again.  I would not, could not merely write about her because about her wouldn’t touch her, about her wouldn’t penetrate into her and spill her light onto the world.  She is as I see her.  As I choose to see her.