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Outside of commercially manufactured adrenaline rushes, the emotional toe-dipping lust for hot new skinny jeans or the fastest phone exists our increasingly rare genuine human experience. I sometimes struggle to remember that while life lives episodic, it is based on eternal themes. I hope that you are entertained by my exploration of this apparent dichotomy.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

January 21, 1978 (Part 2 of 8)


That was not the woman he saw now.  He looked into her eyes and saw her want, not the same as his, but close.  While they’d grown to what passed for close, the two never fooled themselves into thinking they cared.  She belonged to the next guy that could offer a taste of that special kind of hyper-oblivion.  That’s what she chased.  But then, in those days, so did he.

So he spilled it.    

“They had some crank too,” he remarked casually.

She leaned closer, “How much?”

He reached into the inside pocket of his leathers and pulled a baggie.

“An ounce.  Maybe ounce and a half.  Split it with Rat and that’s what’s left,” he said and tossed a sparkling zip-lock onto the scarred coffee table. 

She reached and grabbed the meth, breaking contact with him.  She stood and held it to the dim light coming through the curtains. 

“Son of a bitch!  When were you gonna’ tell me?” she squealed.

Unsatisfied with her view of the crystal powder she pulled the curtains across the back slider open and, for just a moment, stood in perfect silhouette.  Despite the hard look she cultivated, she really was quite lovely.

She pulled the curtain closed and turned. 

“Got some new works, baby.  Been savin’ em.  ,” she told him as she walked around the counter that separated kitchen from living room.

She tossed a bag of cotton balls, a spoon and a sealed bag containing an insulin syringe at him in rapid succession. 

Coming back around the counter with a shot glass of water she sat by him, much closer this time.  Her thigh against his, she pulled a piece loose from a cotton ball, kneaded it between her thumb and forefinger and dropped it onto the slightly bent spoon.  She ripped open the syringe packet and set it carefully aside.

All business now, she dipped her little finger into the bag of crystalline powder, withdrew a fingernail full and dumped into the spoon.  She hesitated briefly and added another scoop.  Then, just for good measure, another scoop went up her nose.   

He took one of the syringes, drew some water from the glass and squirted it into the spoon, dissolving the powder but leaving the all important rocks intact. 

He picked up the spoon and began cooking the mixture with his lighter.  As the rocks melted he withdrew the heat before the clear liquid began to bubble.  Setting down the lighter and the spoon, he took the syringe and, using the cotton as a filter, pulled the plunger back, filling it half way.  Fifty units of crystal meth now awaited a vein.

            On an intellectual level, they each knew that the other had plenty of experience in administering shots to other people.  Coke, crank, smack, whatever.  They’d both introduced people to the mainline.  So while they knew that they could trust each other, in their world trust was weakness.

            “Ladies first,” he said, offering her the works.

            “Lemme know when you find one,” she said as she slipped her belt from her waist and around her arm.  Looping it through the buckle, she tightened the strap around her bicep and flexed her arm.  It only took a moment for her scarred veins to bulge in the crook of her arm. 

            He held the syringe up, tapped it with a finger and pushed the plunger until the tiniest squirt shot into the air.  Air bubbles cleared, he handed it to her.

            She grabbed the belt in her teeth to maintain pressure, took the needle and without hesitation slid it into her visibly pulsing vein.  Delicately she pulled the plunger back just enough to see blood mix into the plastic tube.  Assured that she’d hit the vein, she nimbly moved her fingers to depress the plunger, slowly and steadily forcing the drug into her bloodstream.  She withdrew the needle, set it on the coffee table and released the belt from her teeth. 

            He watched her.  On cue, she drew a sharp, shallow breath.  Her eyelids fluttered above brown irises that drifted toward the ceiling.  Her skin went gooseflesh, the hair on her arms standing on end and her nipples suddenly tight against the thin material of her top. 

            “Shit!  Not bad.  Pretty fuckin’ good,” she muttered.  Her new smile seemed lazy, but her now sharply focused eyes darted and her voice was taut. 

            “Yeah, I thought it would be.  Lots of rock, lots of sparkle in there,” he said as he took the belt and wrapped it around his own arm.  Leaving it to dangle, he took the lighter, reheated the spoon and drew the rest of the liquid through the needle.  Once again he purged any air bubbles.  He pulled the belt tight, held it with his teeth and pumped a fist to raise the vein.  He gently inserted the needle into flesh, stopping only when he knew he’d pierced the flowing vein.

            This was it, always had been it.  The moment was his when the plunger was pulled back and crimson tendrils, delicate and tentative, curled into the clear liquid in the syringe. For some it was the poke, the moment when the needle made penetration.   The insertion is an intimate, impaling, piercing union.  It is somehow both sexual and not, this taking of something foreign into one’s body and allowing, no urging it to spill its heat within.

            For a moment he watched spectral red fingers of blood wrap around the coming rush and then pull it into his arm as he pushed the plunger.  Bottomed it out. 

            Withdrawing the needle, he set it on the coffee table and let the belt fall loose.  And waited…one, two, three.  He felt his breath catch and heat in the back of his throat.  He exhaled sharp and short and felt his scalp and skin tingle.  She was right.  The rush hit like a rodeo bull and he rode like a cowboy. 

“Seven seconds.  Shit, I’d go for an hour if it lasted” he said as words returned to me.

“What the fuck you talkin’ about?” she looked at him through cigarette smoke.

“Nothing.  Just thinking out loud.”

“Congratulation on the thinking thing,” she remarked as she handed him a lit smoke.

“Holy shit, you’re right.  This stuff is monster.  Crankenstein lives!” he said, tuning into his suddenly finely tuned powers of perception.


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